Midlife Memoirs

Photography - continued

When I stopped doing photography in the early 80's digital didn't exist. For that matter, computers didn't really exist either - at least not in the form they have today. (Ever coded on a PDP 8E?... 72 characters only, please! Love the dots.)

When my parents died, I bought myself a high-end digital camera - a Canon EOS 20D - with the hopes of getting back into the swing of things. The problem is there wasn't much in the way of subject matter for me. I prefer architectural elements as my subject matter, and while there are are buildings, there aren't the sort of light play and lines that I like.

When we moved up to San Francisco, Steve and I went out and did a couple of "shoots". The long dormant dream started to come back to life. For Christmas this year, we bought each other Canon EOS 50D cameras. I've been out a couple of times on my own with my camera and am pleased with the pics I've gotten.

The only thing that was missing was a proper photo printer. We bought one this week. I set up the Canon Pro 9500 yesterday, printed my first photo, and tears came to my eyes. (Very, very happy tears.)

I'm in the process of creating a new portfolio. It won't be mounted for display, as my last one was, but that doesn't matter.

So, what does one of my photos look like? It looks like this:

Photography

I took my first photography course the summer between by sophomore and junior years in college. I had a great instructor and learned a lot. We even got into different print techniques - like cyanotype. I had been waiting years to take a proper photography course.

The first time I remember wanting to take pictures and all was when I was about 11 - my older brother had his own equipment and was creating contact prints in our basement - running from the storeroom to the laundry sink with great speed.

Fast forward 19 years. My first camera was a Mamiya-Sekor MSX 1000, also known in our area as the "serviceman's special". (It was mostly purchase by sailors from Great Lakes.) It had a screw mount lens and took great pictures, even at night.

I was hooked. I spent hours in the darkroom and took my camera wherever I could. We had January Term then, and I spent the entire time taking and printing photos. I even toyed with the idea of entering a photo contest or two. Having a camera in my hand and my eye to the viewfinder was as normal as breathing.

After college I applied for a couple of jobs working for photographers, but since I didn't have credentials, nothing happened. I did have a couple of photo jobs, but nothing really came of them in the end. Oh, and I had a photo show in college.

So what happened? First, I lost the use of a darkroom. I wanted to be able to control my own work. I preferred Agfa Portriga Rapid with a specific contrast level for printing, and had a particular film I used with it.

The clincher was the day that I started a photo course at a Chicago school. I don't know what chemicals they used, but my skin reacted and my hand swelled up. Clearly I couldn't do my own work anymore. Kept my camera (by now I had upgraded to a Minolta XD-9), but didn't do much in the way of photography for years.

Photography took a back seat to the rest of life. I pull out my portfolio from time to time so others could see what I've done, but it gets a bit lame to say "see what I did" when it was done in 1978.

Being Me

I am an artist. I've said it before, and I repeat it now. I work in acrylics, yarn, and photography.

I love art. It has been a part of my life since I was little, in one way or another. I even know the pain of being denied art - my parents thought it a waste of private school money to take art as one of my classes. In college, when they had no say, I took pottery, drawing, and photography courses along with a grand assortment of others (astronomy, history, philosophy, music, computer programming, English, french).

Someday I would like to have a show somewhere - an exhibit of my paintings (I've already had one of my photographs).

So, what is holding my back? Two things. First - a feeling like I really haven't had enough training, though I suspect that isn't going to be a long-term issue.

The second issue is really a rather big one to me. I am the granddaughter of a nationally recognized and exhibited artist. While my style and subject matter are totally different from hers, I can't escape the thought that I'm not as good as she was. I can't draw or paint the way she did, but then she trained under a teacher at the Art Institute of Chicago. Even if I put that aside, I wonder if family members will compare me to her and find my work wanting.

So there is a conflict in my life. I truly want to continue with painting and photography. They come naturally to me and I don't know what I would do if I could do neither for the rest of my life.

At some point I will have to resolve these conflicts - at least in my own mind. For now, I'm heading off to a yarn store to get some supplies for my next set of paintings.

Voting

As mentioned before, Steve and I voted early. The other day we were in an elevator with a woman who had on a number of political buttons. I mentioned that we had voted and her response was "I hope you voted the right way". My response was that of course I had voted "the right way" - anyway I voted would be right. I don't think she got it.

Somewhere there must be a philosophical term for the fact that any vote that a person casts is the "right" vote because they are voting what they feel is right. (Unless, of course they are somehow coerced into voting entirely against what they believe.) What you believe is "right" in politics is a subjective, personal opinion. Voting "right" is like reality - everyone has a slightly different take on it.

If you haven't voted and are eligible, do so...or else your "right" won't be counted. Franchise is a privilege - exercise it!

Wheeee

I'm having a blast! I finally got a chance to do some painting over the weekend, courtesy of an injured knee, and I'm having fun (-: My projects right now are limited to experimenting with some small canvases I had prepped. If they work, I might try them on a grander scale.

When I have a few things finished, I'll try to take picts of them and post them. For now, I'm speckled with gesso and paint... and loving it!